Dear Sir

I wish to complain. I am an eight and a half stone, six foot male with a size 28-inch waist!

I’m so thin I have to run round in the shower to get wet. I would desperately like to put on weight, and recently saw advertised a Wednesday morning club at the local church rooms, which caters for people in my condition! Imagine how pleased I was when on my first visit I was surrounded by people more than three times my size, queuing to get in. Fantastic I thought, whatever it is they do at this club, it has worked for these people.

Turning to a 24 stone lady on my left I enquired, ‘Debbi, were you ever eight stone like me?’

The Dentist said it will take several weeks to fix my jaw, my nose will be permanently crooked, and my remaining teeth will always rattle. The trauma from this unprovoked assault has left me with chronic flatulence and constant diarrhoea. I am now fed by a tube and weigh only seven stone! On a recent trip to the Londis shop a Sanders coach blew me down a storm drain! I may never recover.

Ivor Smallun Atlantic View, Coltishall